I have tried so hard for so long. To “adjust” to the situation I am in. I live in a world where rationality is seen as heresy and opinionated, compassionate, and logical. Anything else would seem absurd. I have remained calm, listened to opinions, offered advice, chose not to react in situations that would warrant screaming or fighting. Sometimes, when you use your brain, it backfires on you. I haven’t spent so many years in therapy learning to cope with the verbal abuse that has been utilized on me since I was a child: just to have one moment of momentary relapse that just discards all those methods I have been taught. Tonight, I reached my limit. I am no longer talking. In fact, I am no longer communicating. It would be better off to think that I just did not even breath the same air as the insane people who surround me. I have ran out of coping mechanisms. I thought apathy and brushing off any negative thoughts, words, actions, or comments was actually working out well for me. However, when I find myself screaming at the top of my lungs calling my dad a piece of shit bastard to his face. I guess I have come to realize that either the methods I have been taught are failing me, or, my brain finally just reached its snapping point. Sometimes, I am afraid of what I might do next.
- Verbal abuse (caringmyheart.wordpress.com)