I am getting really frustrated trying to figure out how to put this memoir together. I know it’s not plausible to fit my whole life in. But, I get overwhelmed when I think what are the themes? What stories are most important, which will connect to the themes. Mostly, at this stage I have been diving into old journal entries. They are mostly depressing but somewhat therapeutic. It makes me re-live an unpleasant past. Most people think they know me. They don’t know me. I feel as if I do not even know myself sometimes. I am starting to notice patterns in my old journals. Patterns of sadness, disconnection, loneliness, grief, and trauma. I don’t have many happy memories written down because I was living in that moment not wallowing in self pity to some friends who could openly read my thoughts on the internet. Sigh. I have been seeking memoir writing advice. I haven’t gotten much just some insight from a former creative writing professor. This is my story I am trying to tell. Why can’t I tell it? I did at least settle on a name: Sad Clown. That’s exactly what I am.