What do you do?

What do you do when your entire family history suffers from some sort of mental or physical illness?  I mean I was cursed with both diseases at too young an age. But, there’s no way I can possibly get them help now. They are too busy projecting issues and blame and being codependent on one another and feeding on each other’s addictions. I guess I just have to move on. I am taking those steps. This will probably be the hardest thing I ever have to do. I have suffered a lot, believe me. But my work here, is done. 

  1. #1 by Cyndi Lu on September 18, 2013 - 3:35 pm

    Sara, I’m proud of you. Your journey will be a testimony to many people who need hope. Your steps will show someone else how to take the first step. You will show them how you survived and that is beautiful and full of purpose. Thank you for writing and becoming everything you are, no mistakes. The road will be bumpy and rocky and a roller coaster and it will be meant to happen that way. Nothing worth fighting for is ever easy and you are worth fighting for. May God bless you in this walk towards healing and ministering to others.

    • #2 by Cyndi Lu on September 18, 2013 - 3:40 pm

      And, you have given me the courage to begin to think about sharing more of my story and how I got to this place. I admire you for being open about way more than I feel ready for sharing with others. That is true strength and you didn’t get that way by having it easy. So so happy to have found your writings. I will be reading more.

      • #3 by Frantic Living on September 18, 2013 - 3:52 pm

        Thank you. I try to be nothing but truthful with people. Never spiteful, not on purpose at least. Sometimes I have to watch myself because the bitterness will show it’s face sarcastically sometimes. That was a coping mechanism in our family, sarcasm, passive aggressiveness, and bitterness. Now, nobody knows how to deal with reality. What’s right in front of them. Until I tell them. But I can’t keep doing this it’s wearing me out. And no, I have never had it easy. I guess that was my way to face adversity right? Things just kept getting thrown at me and thrown at me and thrown at me until I was completely worn down and felt like I had no soul anymore. But, I am thinking somewhere deep down. I still do. I just see things they how they are. I hope you share more of your story in the future. It’s the pain that makes us strong.


      • #4 by Cyndi Lu on September 18, 2013 - 4:09 pm

        I understand about coping mechanisms. I have to bite my tongue and calm down before I talk. Not so good at it, but I’ve noticed that I’m at least starting to think before I react and that just started happening. Sometimes I still react in the sarcastic, bitterness. It’s a constant battle to win.

  2. #5 by Frantic Living on September 18, 2013 - 3:40 pm

    I take care of those who need me. Until I can no longer break down anymore barriers. Then I move on. I think I was meant to be a therapist.

  3. #6 by Frantic Living on September 18, 2013 - 3:42 pm

    I give until I break. Which I think my time with my family is done. I have broken down physically and emotionally. Taking care of my great aunt after college now trying to counsel my mom and my schizophrenic brother and my PTSD dad and his Austic grandpa. Now I have osteoarthritis in both hips and can barely walk at 30. I think it’s me time, you know?

  4. #7 by Frantic Living on September 18, 2013 - 4:26 pm

    What I have learned through my traumatic experiences. Is to not react. Do NOT react. They will be bewildered and confused. But, they will back off. They eventually realize they are wrong. I had this weird experience at a convenience store recently. Like, this woman just WANTED to fight me. I accidentally bumped her my car door into hers when her kids were in the car and I guess when she went out there they exaggerated, as kids sometimes do. I know for a fact I did not even knick her door. She ran back into the store like a maniac accusing of being a drunk driver and I needed to sober up and I could have almost killed someone. I was standing at the counter completely baffled by her bewilderment and anger. I said nothing. I will be honest though, I was there to buy a couple of beers after I had just awoken from a nap. But, the anger I saw in her, I couldn’t even process. I didn’t buy the beers after I left the store. But in fact this lady had tailed me, called the police and made me take a field sobriety test 500 feet from my parent’s house. Imagine my embarrassment. But then again, imagine her shame for projecting something traumatizing that may have happened to her onto me and making her look like the fool. Sorry, I just had to unload that.

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