I really didn’t want to write this but it would hurt me too much inside if I just let it fester. I try to do good. I try to be honest and friendly and open. Yet, it somehow always seems to backfire on me. I haven’t felt this much hurt in such a long time I forgot what it felt like. And honestly, it sucks. It feels like an ulcer mixed with a severed heart mixed in with an ongoing panic attack. I am just fucking naive sometimes. I still believe there’s hope in humanity. I still believe in the kindness of strangers. But, since I am an such an idiot I don’t know how to effectively deal with such situations of anger. I did my best and I still hurt. But, it will heal. I just didn’t want it to be tonight. I just want some peace.
You know what, no. I didn’t want to be put in this position in the first place. I am highly sensitive and also extremely curious. I started opening about my PTSD past and how it still affect me to this day. I noticed that my stuff was also being posted on Tumblr and I have a Tumblr account. I came across this one “tumbl” about ptsd. And it appeared to me the way someone was posting that they were threatening their lives. I have had TOO much traumatization with suicide in my life. I couldn’t bare anymore. I begged myself not to intervene but I couldn’t stop. Long story short, nobody was going to hurt themselves and I am just I don’t want to be feeling this way right now. That’s all. Wrong place, wrong time, always good intentions.