I wonder if the human soul is real.

I don’t know what else to do right now except write. I just feel like such a sad sack of bones right now. I used to be so confident and now I feel desperate. I never wanted to come across as desperate? That makes me look creepy. I just, sigh, I don’t know. I need guidance? I need advice. I need friends. I lost all that when I decided to isolate myself for my own good. But, when I tried to emerge back in the world. It wasn’t so friendly anymore. It had forgotten about my charm and charisma and intellect. It saw me as dull and uninteresting and useless. I wish I had not emerged out of my cocoon feeling that way. I’ve just been beaten to the ground over and over and over  so much with so much cruelty.  Every time I try to reach out. STRIKE, right to the soul. I can barely get back up. I don’t think I’ll ever be that pretty butterfly everyone adores again. I feel sick.

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  1. #1 by Samantha Dresden on September 21, 2013 - 3:23 am

    I think that everyone has the capacity to be a pretty butterfly. I just think that it’s the most fleeting when we’re dying for it.

    • #2 by Frantic Living on September 21, 2013 - 3:28 am

      It’s been a rough year. I mean I can’t even type about it without tear flow. I mean I am usually pretty strong and can bounce right back from anything. But the rejection the emergency back into society the longing to fit in has been more rigid than it ever has been in my entire life. I am tired of trying and keep getting shut back out.

    • #3 by Frantic Living on September 21, 2013 - 3:32 am

      I just read some of your blog. you have NO IDEA how much I relate. if you explore my blog you’ll see where I recently exposed the root of my PTSD. I am starting EDMR therapy. Is that what you do?

  2. #4 by Samantha Dresden on September 21, 2013 - 3:38 am

    On the first comment, that’s a tough one, Sara. I mean all we can do is just be patient, right? It’s not fun, but damn, I mean… what else can we do?

    Yeah i relate quite a bit as well. We did this therapy where I recounted bad memories repeatedly while my therapist tapped on my hands. It helped a little, but I backslid and now I’m with a different therapist who is… amazing. We’re doing internal family systems therapy and guided imagery.

    EMDR is rough.

  3. #5 by Samantha Dresden on September 21, 2013 - 3:39 am

    Keep your chin up, it’ll be a bumpy ride. Hopefully it’ll pay off though!

    • #6 by Frantic Living on September 21, 2013 - 3:40 am

      It’s been too bumpy with no safety guard. Thanks for the sentiment though.

  4. #7 by Frantic Living on September 21, 2013 - 3:41 am

    Shit, you can relapse from that therapy??

  5. #8 by Samantha Dresden on September 21, 2013 - 3:43 am

    Well… yeah. A lot was left unresolved.

  6. #9 by Frantic Living on September 21, 2013 - 3:46 am

    This is frustrating. I have been dealing with PTSD since 2005 when my schizophrenic brother busted down my bedroom door and tried to kill me because he thought I was lying about not having any cigarettes. I still tense up if he’s near me. I have trouble sleeping. I jump every time I hear a noise. It’s so fucked up.

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