“It’s Always Something” – Gilda Radner

So, oh man. How do I even begin this one? Okay, I would say about Six months ago, I started feeling chest pains. Of course, on the left side of the chest. At first, I just thought it was a panic attack. Which, you know can mimic heart attacks. But, see, panic attacks don’t last 12 or more hours. I really thought something was terribly wrong with my heart. I made an appointment with a cardiologist and she did an EKG and she said, your heart is perfectly fine. And I said, but what about this horrible chest pain? It feels like i’ve been having a heart attack for 3 days now. She diagnosed what is called Costochondritis.

It is an inflammation of the chest cavity, on the left side and in between the rib cage. It does mimic heart attack symptoms. It causes shallow breathing and lot of hell. Of course, being a chronic worrier, that’s a perfect fit for me, also, stress and caffeine tend to worsen the condition. So, she prescribed plenty rest, heat, ice, and horse ibuprofen. She said, it will go away  on its own. The unfortunate thing is,  it tends to affect women in between their 20’s-40’s. It did finally go away and I was so relieved because I didn’t feel like I was dying anymore. So, today, guess what? It decides to flare up on me for no reason. Then, thinking someone had stolen my IPAD, this made the condition much worse. I was so stressed over nothing. Because apparently, I hid it from myself in my laptop case. Yes, I have lots of trust issues, especially if I have company over. I wish there was a pill for “trust issues” because god damn, they drive me nuts. So, anyway, I am lying here in agony taking as much ibuprofen as humanly possible. And what happens? Some crackhead comes knocking on my door. This does not lessen the condition, this makes it much worse. I was terrified, shaking, and all at once feeling like I was dying of a heart attack. Again, I thought it was another panic attack, but this has lasted since, oh 5 am and it’s no 9:08 pm. That’d be a hell of a long panic attack. I forgot it worsens with caffeine intake. And what did my idiotic self do at 7 am this morning? Bought 4 Monster Javas. I was like well, I can’t sleep, might as well. Bad idea. Also, I let my friend borrow my car and that was at 1:00 pm. I do trust him, but I still have trust issues. He needs to know that he has to check in with me. People do not understand this. So, I finally get a hold of him because I  was worrying myself and stressing myself out sick over where the hell he had been. Plus I hit a pot hole yesterday so I was worrying about my tire. And again, this did not help my inflammation. But, of course, everything was fine and he is on his way back. I kept trying to tell myself everything is okay sara, it’s fine, no news is good news. But that little demon gnawing at the back of my brain kept saying Oh God, what could possibly be taking this long. I tried resting but I could not. I have done nothing but stare at the walls and writhe in agony all day. I work myself up over nothing.  I always have. I mean hell, I am scared to death just return something to the store. And to have this awful chest inflammation condition to go along with the fun is just wonderful. I just want to know how to fucking relax. For once. What is relaxation? Is it a myth? Am I a female Woody Allen?

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  1. #1 by untoldstory6 on October 16, 2013 - 1:30 am

    I wish there was a pill for trust issues! I’d definitely take it.

    • #2 by Frantic Living on October 16, 2013 - 1:31 am

      Seriously, someone needs to bottle that one up quick! I was a Theatre Major too. Never was very good at those trust exercises falling backwards and such. Oh man.

      • #3 by untoldstory6 on October 16, 2013 - 1:33 am

        They would certainly make a lot of money! I don’t think I’d even try those types of exercises ha, sounds scary.

      • #4 by Frantic Living on October 16, 2013 - 1:34 am

        Yeah, I always chickened out. lol.

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