So in order to understand the biological hormonal brain research I have been dabbling a little in. I would just like some input if you would be so kind to help shed some more insight on this fascinating subject. Emotional ADDICTION. Now, it was strange because my therapist has been describing to me in bits and pieces and today I was taken aback. I said oh, my, God… My DAD is addicted to the feeling of anger. I mean ANGER. It is his first go to emotion he doesn’t even realize it’s a subconscious reaction that he has the ability to CONTROL through time mindfulness and self awareness and meditation and you, ballistic holistic. His reactions are just so automatic it’s he doesn’t realize why he’s even angry it’s his inner disposition and he never ever ever self reflects. The man is perfect, in his delusional mind. So basically what I have been learning is that there are these peptides in our brains and wires and pathways and neuro connectivity that our brains find their way there when that emotion gets hungry. These are very deep paths through the neurological brain. So, in essence, a man craving heroin, he releases that same stuff that our emotions release for us, and if he don’t feed that emotion grease up those neurological pathways, give them their “food” – It’s the same feeling a junkie feels when he can’t get a fix. Now, I know this all probably a little new age ish or what have you. But, this basic scientific fact. For instance, you equate love with betrayal, mistrust, heartache, abuse. So your brain, using your emotions is how it seeks out your next relationship, it’s already etched in that lovely portrait of love you’re going to subconsciously find. Laws of attraction. See, my go to emotion, is, well, sadness. I mean, I find comfort in the melancholy, the lone wolf, heavy heart, playing my depressing music over and over and over again. Why? I am learning, that it feeds that monster in me. That monster emotion that I have deeply etched into the rifts and caverns in my brain it longs for it. Then it gets it. I feel comforted for a while and then suddenly wah wah wah I’ve just made myself extremely sad. And I never realized that was the same damn partner I always sought out. The poor little wounded tragic girl. We’d cry together. We’d drink together. She suffered, oh and I felt her suffering. But as all my past relationships have bad patterns; I burned lots of bridges. The fucked thing is I WASN’T EVEN AWARE THAT’S WHAT WAS GOING ON. It’s like i’ve been slapped in the face by brain research. My whole family the lovely triad of the dreaded subconscious go to emotion. Father ANGER Mother ANXIETY/FEAR ME Morose Sadness Melancholy Dreams.\\
But, hey do some research on this. I am very serious. Just type in Emotional addiction or addicted to emotion. It is absolutely fascinating. Here’s the good news though! We, when becoming self aware that monster wants its chemical fix. We have complete power to change our reactions, our emotions, and how we see the world and each other. Nobody’s got anything in the bag in this world. But, it’s better to you know… at least fly a kite over the whole scenario.