Posts Tagged help
I hate feeling so old. I will be 32 on March 3rd. I feel as if I am nowhere near any of my goals I’ve had in mind for my future. But, on the other hand, when I entered residential treatment I didn’t think I had ANY more fight left in me. Now, I am feeling that strength again. Still not as resilient as I used to be, but, nowhere near as weak and dead as I had been feeling. I just had left hip surgery, the surgeon got rid of this horrid bone spur that had been killing me for YEARS. I couldn’t remember what it felt like to NOT FEEL PAIN. It was a miracle I tell you. However, the ghastly arthritis in my knees is still aching to the bad brittle bone. Sad. Oh well, I will not let that crap get to me like it used to. I don’t see an end anymore, just beginnings in site. I even had this dream that I was a child again, maybe 5 or 6 years old starting first grade. However, in the dream I had all the knowledge I have now but at that age. It really was like I had a chance to start over again. So, I am just trying to stay positive get through the winter (sad face) and, oh, totally looking forward to sinus surgery in February. I am getting a Septoplasty and Turbinate Reduction surgery. The doctor said I have a bone spur in my nose MY NOSE!! I will be so happy to be able to breathe again and not get drainage caught in my middle ear (feels like I am under water). Oh, yeah, I have a pretty bad deviated septum, again, something I just put a “band aid” on for years. Well, this is the year for preventive care because who knows what’s going to happen with our healthcare coverage in the future. Anyway, I have been working on my absurd amount of anxiety with my therapist and I still go to IOP three days a week SAMI (Substance Abuse Mental Illness). I have been becoming more aware of my triggers and how to stop them before I get out of control. I have been practicing mindfulness a lot and for the first time in my life I am at peace with my spirituality. I used to not speak of it because others always had such strong views in their faith. I do not have particular faith but I do believe in energy and change. Okay, arthritis is hurting my hands now! Take care, everyone.
Jk, I took those earlier in the evening with my computron.
I don’t know where I am fucking safe. Someone just busted into my apartment because i forgot to lock the door. They stole all my psychiatric medications. He threatened me. He said it was this other person who stole my medications. I am still shaking. Even after my PTSD therapy, this TERROR STILL HAPPENS TO ME. I WANT IT TO STOP.
can someone on here help me with some things I am not familiar with on wordpress. For instance, posting a playlist. Do I really have to spend 99 dollars to do that?? I am beyond frustrated.
Fuck this emotional violence. I only stay around here to keep her sane. Yet, I still hear his thunderous roar echo throughout the house. She doesn’t deserve it. I wish I could kill him. But he’s not worth the anger or the pain or my life. All I try to do is help and everything just breaks everywhere I go.
I would appreciate any comments. Even if it’s just a thumbs up dude Or a Noway Jose. I would be forever grateful.
Oh, and embarrassing childhood moment. My fragile 7 year old self was left alone in the theater lobby while my parents were still in their grown up movie. I had no change. I wanted to play a video game. So, I went around asking strangers for quarters. I am pretty my older brother put me up to it. I was grabbed by the manager and called a PAN HANDLER. Who says that to a little girl?!? This awesome compassionate manager also dragged my parents out of their movie which was probably overpriced anyway. People are hopeless sometimes.